GET A CLUE, ATLANTA ZOO!
March 27, 2004: Caesar, a 26 year old western lowland gorilla, was shipped away from
his original home in Los Angeles last August. Why? He never
had any kids. The keepers at the LA Zoo figured it was because none
of the ladies turned him on. So, they decided to fly him to Atlanta,
eager for him to find the "gorilla his dreams," as the LA Times put
it, and keep the gorilla population going.
Indeed, the southern girls are going ape. They've
been seen flirting outrageously, pounding their breasts, and
singing, "I'm a woman, W-O-M-A-N," "I'm a woman, hear me
roar," and other ditties not fit to bark in this space.
Imagine the shock, then, as events
unfolded. Caesar, kept in quarantine for several months, was
recently released. While exploring his new turf, he met one of
the other males. Later, the two boys were seen entering
Caesar's friend's private room, arm-in-arm. Caesar clutched a
staple gun. A roll of flower-covered
wallpaper poked out from under an arm.
His friend carried a bag full of various foodstuffs, an apron and a
crockpot. Soon, smells of vegetable stew wafted over the
entire enclosure, drawing the attention of not only the females
across the moat, but the new keepers as well.
Looks as if Caesar will not be
fathering children any time soon.
Isn't it time the zoo staff in both
cities realized what's really going on?
Show your support for Caesar and his
new companion. Fill in the survey below. We'll be
FUPPPS Editorial Board