"GAY DIVORCEE" TAKES ON A WHOLE NEW MEANING

FUPPPSYLVANIA, August 22, 2004:  The first angel fish gay wedding, having received official blessings just in April of this year, has gone the way of half the human heterosexual marriages in the United States -- the ebullient bubble has burst.

"We were so happy," Angelica (known as "Angie") Fisher said.  "For weeks we'd been planning our NIPtuals, and when we finally were able to burble our I do's, no one could have been more thrilled than either of us. But the very next day, Fernie (short for Fernanda) went head over tail for a hussy who'd just been dropped in our tank, and made a move on her.  I was devastated. Fernie said I should just accept it -- she has a roving eye.  But I can't.  So I have filed for de-fin (an aquatic divorce)."

Fernie, who declined to be interviewed for this article, was larking about, flitting in and out of the reefs, very flirty with the "other fish" indeed, it seemed to us.

It is a sad day for Angie.  And we wonder, what does this forebode for the multitudes of our brethren, furred, finny, slithery and feathered, who have tied the knot?  Will more same sex NIPtuals come apart at the gills?

We asked some of the townsfolk at The Snug Pug, the town's main tavern, what they thought.  Sandra Whimslett, barmaid, was the first to volunteer an opinion.  "I think it's bound to happen.  Our gay married friends are going to find themselves wanting to jump ship like everyone else.  It's just very hard to live together, day after day.  For one thing, whether we're talking forest or bowl, there will always be more fish in the sea.  And it's hard for lots of folks to resist having flings when they spy a new set of scales, or fur."

Elliott Gooding, young dog-about-town with whom we've spoken  previously (see our editorial, What Does An Anti-Gay Dad Do When His Son Comes Out?) added, "Sandy's absolutely right, Guv.  Many's the times I've wandered off meself, following a foxy tail.  But in my case, the Mrs. always drags me back by the scruff!"

This comment drew a knowing round of laughter from the usual suspects seated around the bar, and a cuff on the head from the missus in question.

We will be on the alert on this story -- send us any items on the topic you find from your neck of the woods.  We'll be wanting to investigate this potential trend in same sex NIPtuals.   

Approved by the FUPPPS Editorial Board