Photo by Anonymous*
FUPPPSYLVANIA, August
23, 2005:
For the second time this month the Rev. Mr. Bassett
stood before
his four-legged congregation warning of “the devil in disguise.”
Appealing for common sense and
understanding among all living beings, be they human, dog, cat or
gecko, Rev. Bassett cited a statement from AP wire service made by Pat Robtheirsons, the
founder of the Christian Coalition of America, that a leader of a
South American nation possessing oil should be assassinated because
"it (was) the United States' duty" to stop him from making his
country a "launching pad for communist
infiltration and Muslim extremism." Rev. Bassett noted that the televangelist had gone on to say: “We have
the ability to take him out and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability...It's
a lot cheaper than starting a war, and I don't think any oil
shipments will stop.”
The long-eared reverend also cited as alarming some other examples of beliefs the
icon of America’s religious right espoused. Among them was
Robtheirson's
disdain for anything that even resembles NIPtuals or partnerships of
same gender individuals.
Rev. Bassett asked his congregants, “If he can stand and call for
the outright killing of a national leader with seeming immunity,
will anyone dare stand against him when he goes a step further and
demands the same for those in same sex relationships, and all who
support one?”
“Our country is small and not politically powerful but at least we
are honest and realistic,” the long-eared minister told the
FUPPPSters in attendance. "We uphold the right of any and all
to wed the partner of choice, regardless of gender." All tails, usually held high in joy
during the Rev's ordinarily upbeat sermons, remained at half-mast or
flat downward-pointing as the listeners received the sermon.
Rev. Bassett added, “Fupppsylvania may have dissenting voices but never has
anyone ever called for the killing of someone they don’t agree
with.”
He concluded his Sunday address by reminding his flock of the time
when black cats were believed to be ambassadors of Satan and were
summarily put to death. Then he questioned if the country the
televangelist calls home wasn't regressing to the days of the
Inquisition.
As the congregation departed the service, the mood
brightened as one feline questioned her partner: “With the recent
state court ruling that protects kittens and puppies of same sex
parents, I wonder if Robtheirson's next target might be the judges
who find in their favor."
“Ah,” her partner retorted, “this self-appointed morals czar
probably just got into bad catnip.”
Contributed by FUPPPS new
Editorial Associate Editor, I. Ben Hadd
Approved by the
FUPPPS Editorial Board
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