WAY TO GO, PORTLAND!

Portland OR, March 4, 2004:  Scads of dogs, cats, frogs and turtles literally car-pet the steps of City Hall.  Lined up since the cock-a-doodle-doo  of dawn, they are here to obtain the blessing of the city government on their bow/meow/ribbit/splash vows.  A surprising hush fills the air.  No barking or growling, no big leaps from the frogs as they tenderly gaze into their partners' goggly eyes.  All turtles have their heads out, finally daring to trust the politicians.  Going a little far, you might say, but in this case, fair enough.

We interviewed newlyweds Sarah and Jessica Parkernese. "I have loved Jess all my life," Sarah said through tears (which made it especially hard for her to see since both she and her mate are sheepdogs). "And we're both so happy," Jessica added, snuffling slightly and blinking back tears of her own.  "We couldn't imagine this would happen, and ... she's just ... she's all I've ever panted after!"

Perhaps the biggest moment this morning came when the first couple to complete the ceremony, Harry and Paul Froggins, virtually catapulted out of the building.  They were clearly so filled with happiness that all who observed them were transformed. A French radio correspondent, pointing a microphone down toward the couple as he got ready to go live, wasn't even offended when they sprang up to his bent knees and croaked, "Nous t'adorons aussi, mon frère!"

The number of cats streaking down the aisle has been almost uncountable.  As their purrs resonate within the bodies of celebrants and members of the press, you can feel everyone vibrating in tempo.

Aren't you?  Ask your pets if they'd like to become officially hitched. And then add your pawsignature to the FUPPPS pet-ition today!

Let's send a wakeup caw to more of our city, state and national representatives -- support same sex NIPtuals now!

FUPPPS Editorial Board